Back To Basics
Back To Basics
This week I went back to basics. I’ve been overwhelmed this past month with many thoughts and fears, and I lost sight of my center. Lately, I’ve found myself restless, irritable, and discontent. Unable to sit still for even a minute.
I’m thinking too much about the future, instead of living in the present. I’m nervous about an event coming up tomorrow that I will be participating in. I will be hosting a speaker for our Fellowship conference, picking him up from the airport tomorrow, and driving him where he needs to go. I will also have other duties during the conference. Fear is playing a part here because I don’t know what to expect.
I am living in the future because I have many ideas about my future career goals. I’d like to become a sobriety coach, and help other alcoholics and addicts on a professional level. I would also like to be a support person for people who are leaving treatment, to help them through their first year of sobriety. Do prevention outreach in schools, and inform people about alcohol awareness. And, help stamp out the stigma surrounding addiction and mental illness.
Fear is playing a part here because it means I’ll have to leave my retail job that I’ve held for 5+ years. A job I’ve kept because I was always scared of starting over with something new. Fear of both failure, and success. Fear that my dreams are bigger than me, and I won’t be able to handle them.
Last week I was having trouble writing a post, and I thought I had writer’s block. After some reflection this past weekend, I realized I couldn’t write because of fear. Fear of what you, the reader, would think. Fear of not writing well enough. Fear of not helping anyone. Fear that no one would read my posts.
These two geese came close enough for me to touch them
After sitting in my pool of fear and insecurity for long enough, I realized I needed to get back to basics. So, I took a walk, and reflected on everything that’s been bugging me. As I was sitting by my favorite pond, two geese came up to say hi. I looked up from my writing, and they were right there! In that moment, I realized what fear truly was. The fear I thought I had was small potatoes to the fear of being beaked by a goose.
After settling down from my close encounter with the geese, I realized I’ve been living in fear because I don’t trust my Higher Power to take care of me. I’m trying to plan and control the outcomes of so many things, and there’s no more room for my Higher Power to work in my life. Thus, my life has become unmanageable.
By going back to basics, back to the first step, and admitting my life is unmanageable, I am making room for my Higher Power to work in my life. Even though alcohol is no longer a problem for me, my life can still become unmanageable today. Then, I can go back to Step 2, and reaffirm my belief that a Power greater than me can restore me to sanity. And, Step 3, by turning my will (my thoughts), and my life (my actions) over to the care of my Higher Power, and reconnect with the remaining 9 Steps.
For me, it really is that simple. When I find myself in a rut, and chaos is all around me, I go back to Step 1, and let it all flow from there. As long as I stay teachable, honest, open, and willing today, I know my sobriety will continue.
Thanks for stopping by!
– Mindy F.