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Day 15 – Diving Into The Unknown

Day 15 – Diving Into The Unknown
Day 15 – Diving Into The Unknown

Many times, I have been faced with circumstances where I don’t know all the details. For a long time that scared me. I’m a planner. I’m a control freak. And, I like to know all the details before I jump into something. But many times, life doesn’t work that way. Sometimes I can’t know all the details. I must rely on my Higher Power, and trust that everything will be okay.

 

Like scuba diving into a cave, you never know what you’ll find.

 

I still have moments of unease to this day. Today, for example, my mind was running wild because of the unknown variables to come. There are big changes coming at work soon, and some of those changes are in progress right now. I don’t know what is going to happen, and to be honest, I’m scared. I’m scared about how it will affect my job performance. I’m scared I won’t do my job well enough. I’m scared because I don’t have all the information I think I need.

Another situation I’m worried about is, I can’t get a hold of my speaker. For those who haven’t read my previous post, I will be hosting a speaker for our local Fellowship convention in April. Right now, it is my job to get a hold of this person, who is thousands of miles away from me, and give them the info they need. My mind is racing with what-ifs, and thoughts of doom and gloom. I worry I won’t be able to get a hold of them in time. And, I worry because I don’t have all the information I think I need.

All day I’ve been battling these thoughts of worry. I tried saying a prayer, and trusting that my Higher Power will take care of me, but for some reason I still worried. Just when I thought my head was going to explode from the pressure of all these thoughts, an idea popped into my head. Go to a meeting.

I know it wasn’t my idea, because this meeting was one I hadn’t been to in at least a year. I forget about it most of the time because Saturday is my no human day. The day I don’t go anywhere, or do anything, unless I need to. I know it was my Higher Power saying “Mindy, just shut up and let me carry this for a while. Go to a meeting and help someone”. So, I did.

Words cannot describe my experience tonight at the meeting except for one, powerful. Holy shit kind of powerful. Grateful I’m alive, sober, and was spared jails, institutions, and death kind of powerful. Since I belong to the Fellowship, the Tradition of anonymity prevents me from talking about what went on during the meeting.

But, what I can say is, if meetings are a part of your sobriety, and you feel compelled to go when you don’t want to, go. Do it! Odds are good that your Higher Power has something you need to hear at that meeting.

If meetings are not a part of your sobriety, that’s okay too. If you get up in your head, and get the urge to go do something, call someone, whatever, go do it. Same rules apply. Your Higher Power might be trying to send you a message that you need to hear.

But above all, pray. Even if you don’t believe you are praying to anyone or anything, do it anyway. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt far away from my Higher Power, but prayed anyway, and felt Power come into my heart. It’s always worth a shot.

Originally published January 21, 2017 – medium.com

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