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Day 20 – Unacceptable Behavior

Day 20 – Unacceptable Behavior
Day 20 – Unacceptable Behavior

Tonight, I am having a difficult time writing, coming up with a topic to write about. There’s something on my mind that needs to come out, but I can’t form the words. I’m feeling this way because of an incident that happened at my meeting last night. One of our members, who is a self-proclaimed atheist, took great offense over the topic of the meeting. The topic was grace, but everyone who shared was talking about their Higher Power, or god. This member has always been vocal about how they feel about the god idea, and always takes offense when other people share about their god.

I can’t go into too much detail, so I will just say this. This member decided it was justifiable to pour their hot coffee on another member because they were upset, offended. And then, following the altercation, had the nerve to call it an accident. That’s what blows my mind the most.

We as a group discussed the matter tonight during the meeting, and talked about asking this person not to come back. Some who were there agreed. Others who were not present, and did not know who we were talking about, disagreed. And unfortunately, as a society, we cannot ban someone from coming to a meeting. We have no hierarchy.

This whole thing disturbs me on so many levels. I understand the not being able to ban someone from a meeting thing. If we could ban people from meetings, there would be no one there. We are there to carry the message, I understand that.

What I have a problem with is allowing someone into a meeting that is capable of physical violence like that. Which brings me to my point for today. I do not have to accept unacceptable behavior from someone. I have a right to not engage a person if I feel threatened by them, or feel they could be a danger to my safety. If this person has the balls to show their face at that meeting again, I have the right to walk out.

There have been many instances in my life where I accepted unacceptable behavior. Like the time my “friend” told me she would kill herself if I didn’t go on a carnival ride with her. To me, that is unacceptable behavior today because suicide is not a joking matter. It is a very serious thing, and to use that to coerce someone into doing what they ask is unacceptable to me today. It wasn’t at the time because I didn’t know myself as a person. I didn’t have any self-esteem. And, I wanted everyone to like me.

But today, I know different. I value myself as a person. It took a long time to get there, and a lot of work, but I value myself. I look back at my life, and although I see a lot of pain, and struggle, I also see strength now. Before, all I could see was weakness. I can look at my past today and I don’t want to shut the door on it.

Something else I’ve learned in sobriety is, how to create boundaries. I don’t allow negativity into my life. I don’t surround myself with negative people, and I don’t surround myself with people who gossip. I surround myself with people who mirror how I feel about myself. Upbeat people. People who legitimately care about others. People who have my back as much as I have theirs.

I don’t know a good way to end this so I will leave off here. I feel like it’s written crap, but sometimes that’s just the way it needs to be.

Originally published January 26, 2017 –

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