When Life Gets Hectic, It’s Time To Hit Pause
When Life Gets Hectic, It’s Time To Hit Pause
These past few weeks have felt overwhelming. I’ve found myself feeling out of control. And, I’m not going to lie, the thought of a drink has been at the back of my mind. The only difference between now, and 3 years 9 months ago is, I’ve learned to hit pause.
Through practicing the 12 Steps, I’ve learned how to recognize when my life has become unmanageable. Because of this unmanageability, I was unable to write a blog post last week. My head was completely jumbled up, and as much as I tried, I couldn’t put into words what I was feeling.
Today, I am still having trouble finding the words, but it’s a bit easier.
For starters, my sister got into some legal trouble a few weeks ago. She was also diagnosed with PTSD, and severe depression. The weekend before Halloween, I was at a sober function when my sister text me this news. She said she was ready to give up, meaning that she was really close to suicide. The only thing that was keeping her from doing it was my three nieces.
Talk about fucking scary. In that moment, I felt so helpless. I wanted so badly to be there with her, but since she lives an hour away from me, I wasn’t able to. The only thing I could do was text her, and tell her that she was stronger than she thought, and keep her talking.
If you’ve ever talked with someone who is feeling suicidal, you’ll know that it is not an easy thing to do. It takes a great deal of mindfulness, courage, and strength to talk to someone in that moment. If it wasn’t for sobriety, and dealing with my own demons, I wouldn’t have been able to be there for her that night.
The following Monday, I spoke with my dad on the phone about what was going on with my sister. Since I too have been in the suicidal feelings boat, as well as the depression boat, I was able to give my dad a glimpse into what she was going through. But, this also took a great deal of mindfulness, courage, and strength to do. In that moment, I felt like a parent to my dad, instead of a daughter. But, in the end, I was able to help him understand what was going on with my sister, and give him some peace of mind.
On top of all this, I was also working part-time. Going to meetings twice a week. Doing my online training for Recovery Coaching. Working through some unexpressed grief leftover from losing my mom. And, overthinking ways to get started on my Recovery Community Center idea.
It’s no wonder I was having trouble. That is a lot for one brain to take on all at once. It got so bad that I was having trouble remembering what day of the week it was, and what I had done the day before. My memory was shot. Finally, I took a moment, took a step back, and decided there was only one thing left to do…
I realized I had too much on my plate. I was having trouble finding time to just be still. I honestly felt like I was losing my mind. So, last Friday, when I couldn’t find the words for my blog post, I decided to postpone it to this week. Since there’s no written rule saying I must put up a blog post every week, even though I’d like to, I put it off.
On Monday, I realized I wasn’t getting anywhere with my Community Center idea, except digging an even bigger emotional hole, so I put that on pause. I made a conscious decision to put the idea on pause, and pick it back up when the time is right. As much as this pained me to do, I know it was the right thing. Also, by making this decision, I was able to work through more unresolved grief I was holding on to yesterday. And today, I feel lighter as a result.
By hitting the pause button on my Community Center idea, I was able to open up the airways between me and my Higher Power. When my mind gets bogged down with too many things, I can’t hear/ feel direction from my Higher Power, and my life becomes unmanageable.
When I hit the pause button on my Community Center idea, it allowed me to breathe, take a step back, and listen. It allowed me to get back on the Beam, and receive the communication I needed to receive today.
You see, today when I got on Facebook, I saw a post from the Council I have been considering working with. They are hosting a lunch and discussion about addiction next Friday, and it just so happens that I am off work that day. I had been holding off on contacting this Council about my Community Center idea because it didn’t feel like the right time. It wasn’t the right time because I needed to wait for this event.
There was still fear there when I decided to ask them about my idea, but I trust that the Universe has my back. I told them about my idea, and that I was planning on moving there soon, and asked if there was anyone who might be interested in working with me.
I got a response this afternoon that someone in another city, not far from me, is working on a similar idea, and that I should contact her. They also said they would contact me with their answer as well. I am back on track to working towards my goals.
If I hadn’t stopped on Monday, recognized that my life was becoming unmanageable, and hit the pause button on this idea, I wouldn’t have been in a good space to receive this information today, or to take the leap and ask my question. Fear would have taken over, and I would have bailed on asking. I would have either waited until next week to speak to someone in person, or scrapped the whole idea of going, and chickened out.
The beauty of hitting the pause button is, it can be done anytime, on anything. It can be as big as pausing on a huge thing, like a goal, or small like putting dishes off to get an extra hour of sleep. Big or small, it works.
So, the next time your life starts to feel out of control, unmanageable, ask yourself, “Is there something I can hit the pause button on?” Try it next time you start to feel overwhelmed, and I promise, your life will be back on track in no time.